Meme — stereotypes of programming pros

A meme you sometimes need but can never find — translations below, in order

You:

[image of an ordinary young person]

• An ordinary software developer

• Claims to have zero competitive edge, but secretly fantasizes about at least making the leaderboard once

• Uses a full IDE; wastes a minute right at the start waiting for it to boot up

• While everyone else is submitting their answers, he's still mulling over the problem statement

• When the program won't run properly, he actually does use the debugger

Your opponents

Hacker:

[image of someone on the brink of death] "Hackerman"

• Senior security expert

• Sits at his computer, hopped up on an overdose of Adderall, waiting for midnight to strike

• Has scripts to automatically extract input and submit solutions, plus his own helper function library for every conceivable class of problem

• Knows your IP address at all times

Senior engineer:

[image of a severely balding man] "/~mhfwalters"

• Numerical analysis research scientist at Intel

• Plays puzzle games harder than any work you've ever done

• He finds these problems so boring that he imposes increasingly absurd restrictions on himself to keep things interesting

• Last year, solved them on a System/360 emulator (the IBM System/360 is a computer from the 1960s) using only APL (a programming language from the 1960s), and still ranked 9th on the global leaderboard

• His personal homepage is HTML 2.0 compliant

Russian programmer:

[GitHub default avatar here] "wjhbr"

• A programmer from a mysterious Eastern European country who earns 200k a year, but you've never seen or heard of his company

• You could say he's competing in a programming contest 24/7 (as in, he hacks away at his everyday business code like it's an algorithm problem)

• His Twitch stream is just a Vim terminal and the sound of a mechanical keyboard

• He types faster than you can read and think

Nordic programmer:

[typical fat Nordic guy avatar here] "Tharg"

• Linux kernel hacker

• Expert in compiler design

• Very elegantly uses an obscure language nobody has ever heard of

• Can convert the code he sees into assembly language inside his head

• Calculates the performance of his solution code in instruction clock cycles

Chinese programmer:

[anime avatar here] "generic Chinese name"

• An overworked Chinese college student double-majoring in theoretical physics and chemistry

• Has been locked in various training institutions since the age of three

• The only place he can go outside of school is piano lessons

• Seems to see only the useful parts of the problem statement

• You need a PhD in discrete mathematics to understand the code he submits

Indian programmer:

[typical Indian man avatar here] "Samir Nagheenanajar"

• Outsourced IT engineer

• Often plays word games during his shift because there's nothing else to do

• Has to solve the problems in Excel because he can't download any other software

• Can find the face of God (in other words, the truth) using nothing but VBA

• Rumored to have the combined knowledge and power of all Indian YouTube users (implying cheating)